Sexual Confidence - Feeling Empowered, Present and Passionate
Sexual confidence isn’t a light switch you simply turn on, it’s something you build naturally and nurture over time. It’s a subtle and quiet understanding of yourself, knowing that you are worthy of pleasure and capable of deep connections. It allows you to express your desires and fears without shame, and trusting and loving yourself enough to be honest and genuine. When someone embodies sexual confidence, they radiate ease and comfort about exploring their sexual desires and fantasies with a healthy and judgement free mindset.
The good news is this is a skill anyone can learn and strengthen over time. Below we will explore what being sexually confident really is, how to built it from the inside out, and the signs of a sexually confident woman or man, and how an intimacy coach, or sexologist, can help.
How to Boost Your Sexual Confidence
What is Sexual Confidence?
Being confident with your sexuality is essentially being genuine and authentic in intimate situations. Confidence is often seen as someone being grounded, aware of themselves and partner, and unafraid or intimidated by sharing their desires. It’s not about sexual performance, body type, past sexual experiences, or being “perfect” in the bedroom. Confidence is rooted in:
💗Self-respect: Knowing you deserve healthy pleasure in intimate settings
💗Emotional openness: Authentic in expressing your needs, desires, and curiosity
💗Comfortability: Being comfortable in your body, and not being perfect
💗Being Present: Being in the moment, rather than overthinking & judging yourself
Why Confidence is Important in Intimate Settings
When you feel confident in intimate settings, you’ll experience a stronger connection, and more passion and pleasure with less anxiety and fear. Your communication with your partner will improve as your intimate connection deepens, and desires and fantasies will flow more naturally, instead of feeling forced or conjured. And one of the most important factors about confidence in intimate settings is turning sex from something you just do, into a space that you connect mutually and deeply with your partner.
Being confident in intimate settings is also closely linked to emotionally healthy relationships. Couples who feel secure in their intimate relationship often report higher self-esteem, stronger bonds, and lower stress and anxiety levels. It's a cascading effect in all the right directions.
How to Be More Sexually Confident
Just like any skill, confidence is grown through self-awareness, practice, patience, and having a healthy mind-set. Here are some key factors that help with confidence:
💗Emotional Awareness: Know yourself, your desires, feelings, and needs. Being sexually confident comes long before the real intimacy begins.
💗Self Compassion: Avoid negative internal dialogue, this is a confidence killer. Speak to yourself like you would someone you love and adore.
💗Communication: Honest communication builds trust and stronger relationships. Talking about sex and intimacy doesn’t have to be awkward.
💗Be Present: Slowing down and savoring the time with your partner allows both of you to feel noticed, validated, and reassured. Pleasure lives in the moment.
💗Know Yourself: Explore what feels good and what doesn’t. Find out what you crave can be healthy and empowering in the bedroom with your partner.
Getting Help with Sexual Confidence
A trained intimacy coach or clinical sexologist will provide a safe, expert-guided space to explore your desires, conquer your fears, and build sexual confidence step-by-step. They help you:
💗 Understanding the root causes of insecurities whether they’re emotional or physical.
💗 Reframing unhealthy beliefs about sex, intimacy, desires, and your body.
💗 Developing better intimacy communication skills that are natural instead of awkward.
💗 Exploring new intimacy ideas, sexual awareness, and pleasure mapping for you and your partner.
💗 Breaking patterns of feeling shame, guilt, or insecurities from previous relationships.
💗 Strengthening your bond with yourself and partner on a physical and emotional level.
Signs of a Sexually Confident Woman
A woman that is sexually confident will often embody vibrance, grounded energy, and emotional intelligence. A woman’s confidence will not be loud, it will be subtle and steady. Here are signs of confidence in women:
She will convey her desires clearly and without apology.
She will set solid boundaries and adhere to them.
Feel comfortable initiating intimacy when she wants it.
A confident woman will embrace her body and its natural rhythms.
She will be curious and not judgmental during intimacy.
Treat sex as a shared experience rather than an individual performance.
Signs of a Sexually Confident Man
A sexually confident man is far less focused on performance and more focused on the intimate connection with his partner. For a man, confidence in the bedroom is not domination, it’s emotional intelligence wrapped in his sexual awareness. Here are signs of confidence in men:
Listen to his partner’s needs and responds with presence and empathy.
Ask questions without ego or defensiveness.
He doesn’t fear being emotionally intimate with his partner.
Moves at a pace that feels good for both partners.
Embraces emotional vulnerability instead of hiding behind bravado.
Shows enthusiasm, respect, and curiosity during intimacy.
Communicates boundaries and desires openly and without judgment.
Frequently Asked Questions About Sexual Confidence
Why is sexual confidence important in a relationship?
Sexual confidence is one of the keystones of a loving and intimate relationship. It can help both partners in a relationship feel valued, desired, and emotionally bonded. Having strong sexual confidence in a relationship often leads to better communication, reduced conflicts, and a greater sense of connection and partnership.
What factors negatively affect sexual confidence the most?
While there can be many negative influences that affect both partner’s sexual confidence in a relationship, the most common factors are; stress, unresolved conflicts, resentment, poor communication, body and hormone changes while getting older, and past traumatic experiences can all impact this. While these issues may be different for every couple, the core foundations of a strong and confident relationship tend to be the same: trust, lack of judgment or blame, open communication, and emotional safety. When partners feel understood, supported, valued, and not judged, they their bond grows stronger and they become emotionally closer.
Can sexual confidence be learned?
Absolutely, this is a skill that is learned, and not something you're automatically born with. By trusting yourself, self-awareness, plenty of practice, and some professional guidance, anyone can learn and cultivate sexual confidence. For some it comes more naturally, and others have to work hard at gaining this confidence. If you’re having difficulties with building your confidence, an intimacy coach or sexologist can offer professional guidance that can help.
How can I boost my sexual confidence with women?
Start by educating yourself on what this means to you, are you looking to improve your confidence in a current relationship, or in the dating arena? Common factors that lead to improved sexual confidence include; improving communication skills, practice mindfulness, explore your desires, be a good listener, and work on becoming more emotionally intelligent. A sexologist or intimacy coach can guide you in these areas.
What are traits of a sexually confident woman?
Obvious traits of a confident woman are that she communicates openly and candidly, embraces her body type, expresses her desires and fears without shame, sets clear boundaries, and is comfortable receiving pleasure. A big part of confidence for a woman is being comfortable in her own skin and not comparing herself to unrealistic standards.
What are traits of a sexually confident man?
For a man, being sexually confident is can often be misunderstood. Many assume confidence means being able to charm any woman or having exceptional sexual performance. But true confidence goes much deeper. A genuinely confident man is a good listener, doesn’t rely on performance for validation, honors his boundaries, expresses his desires respectfully, and is emotionally aware with the women in his life.
How can an intimacy coach help build my sexual confidence?
These are trained professionals that can offer structured guidance, provide education tools, and offer emotional support. They can teach you about your body, dismantle harmful societal myths, and strengthen your emotional and communication skills. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, an intimacy coach can help you replace fear and self-doubt with clarity, comfort, and your confidence so that you can build healthier, and stronger intimacy in relationships.
Can pornography affect sexual confidence?
Absolutely, online adult content can create unrealistic expectations about bodies, performance, and pleasure. This can increase self-doubt, compound societal myths about sexuality, and can lead to a multitude of issues for many couples. Many have commented that by “quitting pornography”, their sexual confidence has improved.
How does body image affect my confidence?
For most people their self-image influences how comfortable you feel being touched, which is often interpreted by “move star-standards”. Standards that are propagated by Hollywood, social media, and constant comparison, can chip away at anyone’s confidence. But true confidence doesn’t come from having a “perfect” body. Rather, it comes from feeling at home in your own skin. By practicing self-acceptance, challenging harmful beauty ideals, and releasing shame and self-doubt, your confidence will naturally grow.
How long does it take for someone to become more confident sexually?
There is no defined time line or recipe for this confidence, it varies depending on many factors. While some people can notice improvements with their confidence within a few weeks of working on it, others need profession help from a clinical sexologist to help guide them to rebuild their sexual confidence and intimacy skills. The key is to focus on progress, not the amount of time it takes to achieve this goal.